I love medication ads

Ever since they made it acceptable to advertise for prescription drugs, I am amazed at the amount of disclaimers they have to include.
I know I am not alone in this, but I find it immensely funny that most of them have such hideous side effects it sounds as if you would be better off with the disease than the medication.  This notion was sparked when both a Yaz and Viagara commercial ran back to back.  I shouldn't watch so much television...

Are you tired of life?  Do you experience frequent urges to jump 
off of bridges or stand in front of trains? Have you been absentmindedly fingering your handgun or putting the toaster next to the bathtub? Then ask your doctor if new Mortalitas(c) is right for you!

"Warning, do not take Mortalitas if you are breathing, experience consciousness or have neural activity of any kind.  Do not take this drug unless you have been declared legally dead.  Do not drive or operate heavy machinery while taking Mortalitas.  If you experience any sense of consciousness or brain activity of any kind, or an erection lasting 4 hours, contact a mortician immediately. Mortalitas may have some side effects including but not limited to: cessation of breathing, shingles, chicken pox, bells palsy, rectal bleeding, abdominal aortic aneurysm, acute bilateral obstructive uropathy, alopecia, black lung disease, body dysmorphic disorder, bruxism, chronic granulomatous disease, constipation, dizziness, dyspepsia, erectile dysfunction, fistula-in-ano, gonorrhea, hemorrhoids, incontinence, kidney stones, microscopic colitis, narcolepsy, rhinoplasty and writer's block." All patents pending.  Mortalitas is a product of Duee-Cheetham & How Pharmaceuticals, all rights reserved.